


Athazagoraphobia

by Mickey_Todoroki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Dean Winchester, Abusive John Winchester, Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Ending, American Sign Language, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Athazagoraphobia, Attempted Murder, Bad Parent John Winchester, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer is Dean Winchester's Parent, Castiel Comforts Dean Winchester, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Dean Winchester Cooks, Dean Winchester Has Abandonment Issues, Dean Winchester Has Panic Attacks, Dean Winchester Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Dean Winchester Suffers From Athazagoraphobia, Dean Winchester Uses ASL, Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester Fight, Dean Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Destiel cuddles, Destiel dancing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, F/M, Homophobic John Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, John Winchester Abuses Dean Winchester, John Winchester Bashing, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester Returns, M/M, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Mental Health Issues, Morning Cuddles, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Protective Rowena MacLeod, Rape/Non-con Elements, Resurrected John Winchester, Sam Winchester Loves Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Uses ASL, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 20,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickey_Todoroki/pseuds/Mickey_Todoroki
Summary: After some thinking, Amara decides that Dean needs both his parents. Only, she didn't know his past. And what John did to Dean growing up. And now that he's back, Dean might regress back to his 22-year-old scared self.
Relationships: Benny Lafitte & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Jack Kline, Castiel & Jack Kline & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Jack Kline & Rowena MacLeod & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Mary Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Crowley & Rowena MacLeod, Crowley (Supernatural) & Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Mary Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester, Jack Kline & Mary Winchester, Jack Kline & Rowena MacLeod, Jack Kline & Sam Winchester, John Winchester/Mary Winchester, Mary Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 132
Kudos: 550





	1. Chapter 1

The latest hunt had gone well enough. It was a vampires’ nest and was taken down with the big group containing Sam, Dean, Gabe, and Cas. The group of two hunters and two angels had taken down the nest of six, but not without injury. 

Sam had gotten thrown and hit his head against a wall, Gabe had also gotten thrown but instead escaped with a few scratches on his arms and legs. Cas got nicked in the abdomen when one of the vamps decided to fight back with Dean’s machete. Dean, unfortunately, got bit in the leg, on the back of his calf specifically, but thankfully didn’t get turned like last time.

Mary and Rowena had stayed at home at the bunker with Jack, helping him with his magic. He was still new to the whole thing and Rowena was more than willing to teach him her ways. Mary had thought that the group was big enough and didn’t need anyone else, so she’d also stayed home to relax.

When the group arrived home, Jack immediately ran up the stairs to them, practically jumping into Cas’s arms. If he’d sensed their injuries and pain, no one knew. Cas didn’t want to let go, so he wrapped his arms around Jack and carried him back down the stairs.

The other three followed behind, Sam and Gabe helping Dean hobble down the stairs. He couldn’t put weight on his left leg where the bite was. 

Once Jack had released Cas, he went over to give Sam and Gabe a hug while Cas helped Dean sit down in a chair and prop his leg up. 

“How did the hunt go?” Jack asked as Rowena and Mary walked into the room with Rowena holding the first aid kit, which Cas gratefully took from her.

While Gabe and Mary patched up everyone, Sam told Rowena, Mary, and Jack about the hunt. 

Mary walked around and gave all of her boys a kiss on the head. She knew they were all tough, but she couldn’t help but worry for them. Even the angels. And Dean had gotten really injured, which, to be honest, wasn’t all that surprising. He’d proven that he’d die before he let someone die, or even get injured.

Speaking of Dean, he was already passed out in his chair. Whether from exhaustion, pain, or blood loss, who knew. 

Cas, realizing that his husband was peacefully sleeping, walked over and picked him up, cradling him to his chest. Cas knew he hadn’t been sleeping all that well lately, what with the nightmares waking him up multiple times a night. Cas didn’t need to sleep, after all. 

Dean stirred a little in Cas’s arms but didn’t fully wake, only curling up more in his arms.

At that moment, there was a knock at the bunker door. There was no one else who knew them that wasn’t in that room already. 

Everyone got ready to fight, even Dean who was now standing up and leaning against Cas, putting all his weight on his right leg.

Mary, being the only one who wasn’t helping anyone at that moment decided to head up the stairs when the knocking rang out once more. 

“Be careful, Mom,” Sam called out when Mary neared the door. She nodded and continued walking, bringing her gun in front of her.

When Mary pulled open the door, both her and the person on the other side froze. No one could see who it was.

“Mom?” Dean called out, hoping to snap her out of her trance. 

“Mom?” They heard the person repeat back. That voice sounded familiar, but nobody could quite place it.

“Mom, who is it?” Dean called out again.

“J-just give me a minute,” she called down.

Everyone looked to each other, wondering who the hell had Mary Winchester frozen in her spot.

Cas, not wanting Dean to stay on his feet much longer and simultaneously wanting to see who was at the door, sat Dean down in a chair, gave him a quick kiss, then ascended up the stairs.

Cas froze when he saw who it was.

How was he there? He couldn’t be there, he  _ shouldn’t _ be there. 

“Cas, who is it, man?” Dean called from down below.

He had to tell him, but he knew how he would react. Dean would freak out. He’d probably end up locking himself in his own head for hours. But he had a right to know.

As much as he didn’t want to, Cas turned around and leaned over the railing. He took a deep breath as he calmed himself down. Then he looked Dean in the eyes.

“John Winchester. Your father is at the door.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this first chapter is kinda short, but I promise the rest will be much longer.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas made his way back down the stairs and Mary and John followed him down. John froze when he saw his boys. 

His boys were much older now. Older than him, in fact. They were taller, too. Sam was always tall, but now he towered over John. Dean was the same height as him still, though. He was so entranced with his sons that he didn’t realize there were others in the room.

“Sam? Dean?” John asked. He was stunned.

“Dad?” Sam rushed over and crushed his dad in a hug. He couldn’t believe it! His dad was back! Out of everyone they could have gotten back, it was him.

Dean scrambled out of his chair. In the process, he had forgotten that his leg was messed up, causing him to stumble and start to fall. Thankfully, Cas had realized what was happening and caught him before he hit the ground. Instead of putting him back in the chair, Cas just helped him stand.

All that commotion caught John’s attention. He finally noticed all who was in the room with him and his boys.

“Who are you?” He asked, looking at Cas but directing the question to everyone in the room.

“My name is Castiel. That is my older brother, Gabriel, my son, Jack, and our friend Rowena.” 

Being the drama queens they are, both Gabe and Rowena bowed when Cas said their names. Jack just smiled and waved. 

“And how do you know them?” He questioned. 

“Why don’t I answer all your questions and more in the kitchen?” Mary suggested. John was once again put in a trance and nodded, following Mary into the kitchen. 

Once John was out of the room, all the tension left Dean’s body. He collapsed into Cas’s arms and took in his scent; it calmed him down.

John couldn’t be there. He was finally happy. He finally had some normalcy in his life and now John was gonna take it away. 

Before he knew it, Dean was hyperventilating and sobbing into Cas’s chest.

“Dad? Dad, what’s wrong?” Jack was frightened. He’d never seen Dean have a panic attack before. 

Cas picked Dean up, cradled him to his chest, and dashed out of the room. He could faintly hear Gabe explaining what was going on.

When Cas reached their room, he used his Grace to open the door, seeing as his arms were full of Dean, and quickly entered. After closing the door with his foot, he made his way to the bed and gently laid him down. He went around and took off Dean’s shoes and socks, jacket, his three shirts, and finally his jeans. He then quickly stripped himself and crawled in the bed beside his husband and pulled the covers over them. He scooted over and moved Dean so his head was on Cas’s chest. 

“Is this better?” 

Dean just nodded, not quite knowing how to respond. 

“Would you like to talk about it? I hear that helps,” Cas tried, though, he knew the answer already.

Dean shook his head. He wanted to, but he just couldn’t. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his husband, he  _ did _ ! He just couldn’t do it. Every time he’d tried in the past, he would break down and have a panic attack.

He looked back to Cas’s face when he felt Cas play with his wedding ring. It was a small gesture, but it was comforting. Whenever Dean got overwhelmed, usually by memories, flashbacks, and nightmares, Cas would grab his hand and mess with his ring. It was Cas’s way of reminding him that he was loved, that he wasn’t alone. It was also a way to say that he was safe, that no one could hurt him. Except now John Winchester was back. He wasn’t safe anymore. John could hurt him again. He could hurt Sam. He could hurt Jack! 

“Hey! It’s ok! You’re safe. No one’s gonna hurt you, Sam, or Jack. You’re all safe,” Cas broke through his trance. Whether Cas read his mind or he was saying that stuff out loud, it didn’t matter. He just cuddled up closer to Cas’s chest. 

“I know. I know that. I’m just scared. I only recently got over my nightmares of him. And it’s been 15 years! And now he comes back! I just, I can’t…”

Cas pulled him closer and Dean quickly fell asleep. He kissed the top of Dean’s head, then rested his chin on top of his head.

“I promise I’ll protect you. From anything and everything. Whatever it takes.” He knew Dean couldn’t hear him, but he didn’t care. It made him feel better. 

Dean had a rough childhood, everyone who knew him knew that. But no one except Sam and he knew just how bad it got. 

John abused Dean. He tried to go after Sam a few times, but Dean always made sure that John went after him instead. And the beatings were  _ bad _ . Dean was sent to the hospital a few times because of it. There were also times when John would give them a total of forty dollars, then be gone for three weeks. In order to make sure Sam ate three times a week, Dean would go nearly the entire three weeks without eating, basically living off water, and when he was old enough, liquor. 

Dean told him everything the night they got married. He felt that there shouldn’t be any secrets between them. He made sure that he didn’t leave anything out and he poured his heart out. Cas had been in shock, but he wasn’t all that surprised by John’s behavior. He swore to not only himself but to Dean that if he ever came across John, he’d rip him apart bare-handed. Plus, it wasn’t like Dean complained.

Cas turned to look at the door when he heard a knock.

“Cas? Can I come in?” Sam asked from the other side of the door. 

Cas looked down at himself and Dean. They were both under the covers, but he though Sam would fell a little uncomfortable seeing Cas shirtless. Dean was still asleep so he didn’t bother, but Cas snapped his fingers and suddenly he was wearing one of Dean’s band tees and a pair of sweats.

“Come in,” he called out.

Sam opened the door and walked in, closing it behind him. He sat down in the chair at Dean’s desk.

“How is he?” He asked.

I looked back at Dean, then back to Sam. “He’s ok now. He was a little overwhelmed and seeing John again scared him.”

Even in his sleep, Dean reacted to John’s name. He moaned and wrapped his arms around Cas tighter. Cas reached around and rubbed Dean’s back, which calmed him down a little. 

Sam smiled at them. He couldn’t remember a time he looked so peaceful before he and Cas got together. 

“It’s weird, seeing him so peaceful. He used to be so…”

“On edge?” Cas finished for him. He knew exactly what Sam meant.

“Yeah. You’re good for him. As much as all of us have said it before. He’s also good for you. You’re a lot lighter than you used to be. You don’t act like you have the whole world on your shoulders anymore. Neither of you does.” 

After a moment of silence, Cas looked back at Sam. “I don’t mean to be rude, Sam, but what are you doing here?”

Sam looked back up at Cas’s face. “Oh, yeah. Mom finished telling Dad everything. And I mean everything. She didn’t leave anything out. He’s a bit pissed, but he wants everyone there. He has questions.”

Cas nodded, then looked back at Dean’s face. He didn’t want to wake him, but he knew he had to. Again, knowing that both Sam  _ and _ Dean might be a little uncomfortable with seeing Dean practically naked, Cas snapped his fingers and suddenly Dean was in a band tee, a flannel, and jeans. Cas then lightly shook Dean’s shoulders.

“Dean. Dean, babe, wake up.”

Dean slowly stirred. He looked around the room and found both Sam and Cas looking at him. He then looked down at himself and sighed with relief when he realized he was wearing clothes.

“What do you want?” He asked. He didn’t mean to sound rude, but he was exhausted and that was the first time he’d really had a good sleep in a while. 

“Your mom explained everything to John and he has questions. He wants everyone there to answer them.” 

Dean realized that Cas had called Mary his mom, but refused to John his dad. That made him smile. “Ok. But I’m still tired and my leg is fucked up, so you’re gonna have to carry me to the library.” 

Cas smiled, then in a flash, he was standing beside the bed, Dean cradled in his arms.

“Cas! It was a joke!” Dean laughed. The sudden movement had scared him a little, but the smile on Cas’s face and the gesture itself was enough to make him laugh.

“I don’t care.” He then turned to look at Sam, who smiling and trying to suppress a laugh. “Lead the way.


	3. Chapter 3

Everyone was waiting for them in the library when they arrived. Sam walked over and sat beside Gabe while Cas placed Dean down in a chair and stood beside him. When Dean saw John staring at him, the smile slipped from his face and he looked away. Cas saw the interaction and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“So you’re Castiel, I presume?” John asked. Cas could see John’s eyes boring into the wedding ring on his left hand, the hand resting on Dean’s shoulder.

“Yes, I am,” Cas decided to politely answer. Sure, John was an asshole, but, who knew, Heaven could’ve changed him.

“How did the two of you meet?” 

“He “gripped him tight and raised him from perdition”,” Gabe imitated Cas’s deep and gravelly voice. Sam and Gabe broke out laughing, Rowena, Mary, and Dean were suppressing a laugh, and Cas glared at his brother. Jack was confused and John didn’t look happy; he looked pissed.

“I do not sound like that, Gabriel,” Cas ground out.

“Sorry, babe, but you kinda do,” Dean chuckled. The small family often made fun of Cas’s voice. Thankfully, Cas didn’t take it too seriously. Even then, Dean could see his husband trying to fight down the smile creeping its way onto his face.

“Whatever. Yes, I raised Dean from Hell. I rebuilt his body from the ground up and placed his soul back inside. I have been with him and Sam since. But I assume you already knew that after your talk with Mary.”

John just nodded, clearly upset about  _ something _ . “I did. I just wanted to hear it from your mouth.” 

Dean recognized the tone of John’s voice. It caused him to freeze as memories flashed through his head. Last time he’d heard that tone, he was 22 and nearly beat to death. 

He reached up and gripped Cas’s hand when he felt it grip his shoulder. 

“Dean, could I talk to you for a minute alone?” John asked, his eyes almost boring into Dean’s soul.

Dean’s eyes widened. He looked up at Cas standing behind him and he looked just as scared as Dean felt. 

Cas, realizing that Dean could feel his fear, decided to calm down. Dean needed him to be strong right now. Cas leaned down and gave Dean a quick kiss on the head. “I know you’re scared, but it’ll be ok. Go talk to him, then come back to our room. If anything goes wrong, I’ll know. You’re safe. You’ll be ok.” He then stands back up and lightly squeezes Dean’s shoulder again.

Dean nodded, then slowly stood up and limped toward John. However, before he even took three steps, Jack called out.

“Wait, Dad! Let me heal your leg.”

Dean turned around to look at his son with a smile on his face. Jack was so willing to do whatever it took to make everyone happy. He was kinda like Cas in that way. Granted, Cas is his Pops, so, that’s not that much of a stretch. They even look the same for Chuck’s sake! 

However, before Jack could even get near Dean’s leg, John ordered “it’s just a bite, he’ll be fine. He doesn’t need any of your magic shit, he’s a Winchester.”

Before Mary could argue, Dean just looked at her. He knew that she could argue with John ‘till they were both blue in the face, but that  _ still _ wouldn’t change John’s mind. 

Dean gave Jack a kiss on the head, then ruffled his hair. “Why don’t you go hang out with your Pops for a while. I know he missed you.”

Jack looked a little sad, but he nodded, gave Dean a quick hug, then made his way to Cas. Cas looked at Dean with a melancholic look on his face, then he led Jack out of the room as the kid excitedly talked about his progress using his magic. 

Dean limped behind John as he followed him to the kitchen. When they made it there, Dean took the liberty of getting them both a beer, then he sat down at the table while John remained standing.

Dean actively avoided John’s eyes, instead choosing to focus on his drink or thinking about what was waiting for him in his room.

After a beat of silence and a few sips of beer, John finally spoke. “You know, I thought I taught you better. I mean, Sam I get. He’s always been rebellious. But  _ you _ ? I thought I beat that lesson into you a long time ago.”

Dean looked up at his fa- at John. “Excuse me?” What the hell did he mean?

“Shacking up with monsters? I taught you better than that. Did they brainwash you or something? They must’ve because there’s no way that my son would’ve-”

“Would’ve what, John?” Dean cut off. What the hell was he implying? “Wouldn’t have married an angel? Wouldn’t have an amazing son, who just happens to be half angel? Wouldn’t have lost so many of my friends? Wouldn’t have-”

The sound of a slap resounded throughout the kitchen. Dean cupped his cheek where he felt the stinging pain. For a second he thought John had drawn blood, but he thankfully didn’t.

“Don’t talk back to me, boy! I am your father and you will do as I say, do you understand me?”

Dean just nodded his head, too afraid to do or say anything. 

“I said, do you understand me, boy?!”

“Yes sir!” Dean yelped, knowing that that was what John wanted to hear. 

“Good. Now you get rid of those monsters, the abomination, and the witch, or I’ll do it myself. Do I make myself clear?”

Dean nodded. “Yes sir.”

John made a shooing motion with his hand, toward the door. “Get out of my face.” Dean nodded and scurried out of the room. 

They were in danger. He was gonna kill them. None of them were safe. They couldn’t stay there. They-

“Dean? What’s wrong?”

Dean looked up and found that he was standing in the doorway to his and Cas’s room. Cas was stood in front of him with his hands on Dean’s shoulders. He hadn’t realized but he was hyperventilating. He tried to calm down, but each deep breath drove him closer to a sob. 

Cas seemed to realize that and drew him into a hug. When Cas’s arms encircled around Dean, the dam broke. Dean buried his face into Cas’s shoulder and started sobbing and hyperventilating.

Jack was still sitting on the bed, watching the scene unfold before his eyes. He’d seen his dad cry before, but never this. He’d never seen him break down like that. His Pops had told him that Dad would be different now that John was here. Pops had also told him that while John was Sam and Dean’s father, he wasn’t Jack’s grandpa. He didn’t understand; why wouldn’t he be? But, after seeing Dean sobbing in Cas’s arms, gripping onto the back of his shirt like it’s his lifeline, he understood.

John broke Dean in more ways than one.

Jack hopped off the bed when Cas started moving toward it. He pulled back the covers while Cas stripped Dean down to his boxers. Cas then maneuvered Dean so he was laying in the bed, his head resting on Cas’s still clothed chest. Dean had stopped crying, but the tears still stained his face. His breathing had also slowed and he was nearing unconsciousness.

“Jack, could you please go get Sam?” Cas asked. He wanted to ask Dean what was wrong, but he knew that Sam needed to be present.

Jack nodded, then left the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is kinda short, but that's because the next chapter is gonna be LONG with a lot of angst and feelings.

“Jack? What’s wrong?” Sam turned around when he heard Gabe’s voice to find Jack, a scared look on his face. He saw Gabe walk over and place a hand on each of Jack’s shoulders. “Jack, what’s wrong?” Gabe asked again.

Jack didn’t say anything for nearly a solid minute. “D-Dean. He’s freaking out and Cas wanted me to get you, Sam,” he finally said.

Gabe looked back at Sam and nodded. Sam nodded back and Gabe led Jack away while Sam headed to Cas and Dean’s room. 

Sam knew that Dean had freaked out earlier at just the  _ sight _ of their dad. What could John have possibly said or done that made Dean freak out so much? He knew John had done some terrible things to Dean growing up, no matter how much he tried to protect him from it. He could hear John’s belt against Dean’s back through the thin motel walls, the smack of flesh against flesh as the thump of a body hitting the floor. He tried to help his brother, but there wasn’t anything he could do. 

He also knew how John wouldn’t give them enough money before he would leave. He knew how Dean would go without weeks without eating to make sure he did. He’d try to make Dean eat but he’d just say he ate earlier and would leave the room. Sometimes he would pass by the bathroom to see Dean on the floor holding his stomach, tears rolling down his face. The first time he found him like that, Sam tried to comfort him. Dean just smacked his hand away and yelled at him to get out. Sam never tried to comfort him again after that, no matter how much he wanted to.

Sam knocked on the door before entering the room. Dean was curled into Cas’s side, his head on his chest. Cas looked up at him as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

“What’s wrong? Why did you need me?”

Cas looked down to Dean, then back up at Sam. “John said something to Dean. I don’t know what, but Dean passed out after having a massive panic attack. He was barely lucid and was mumbling about how John was going to do something. How we were unsafe.”

Sam was shocked. He’d witnessed a few of Dean’s panic attacks first-hand, but he’d never seen nor heard of them ever getting that bad. “What the hell did John say to him?”

Cas shrugged, careful not to jostle Dean. “I don’t know. I know that Dean probably won’t tell anyone, including me. And what I know from John, he most likely won’t tell you, either. Is there any way you can think of to get him to say?”

Sam leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees, then folded his hands together and leaned his head against them. “Maybe if I tell him that I know about what he said, he might start talking about it.”

Cas tilted his head to the side in confusion. But you  _ don’t  _ know what he said.”

Sam sighed. “I know that Cas, but John doesn’t know that. If I play it right, I might be able to convince John that Dean told me what he said, even though I know he didn’t.” That sounded confusing and even Sam got a little lost while saying it, but thankfully Cas was a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent and seemed to get what he was saying. 

“I suppose that could work, but I’d still tread carefully. He might put you up on a pedestal, but he won’t be afraid to knock you down a few pegs if he deems it necessary,” Cas warned. He knew he probably didn’t need to, but better safe than sorry.

Sam nodded. He agreed. He knew how much John worshipped him, especially compared to Dean, but he’d never been afraid to speak whatever was on his mind, even if he knew it would hurt Sam. 

Sam took one last gander at his brother and brother-in-law, then left to go settle the score with John.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter deals with some seriously heavy shit, so read at your own risk, please. It deals with a lot of child abuse/neglect.

If John were to be anywhere in the Bunker, he’d probably be in the kitchen. It’s where the beer was.

When Sam entered the kitchen, he was not at all surprised to see John sitting at the table sippin’ on a beer. 

John looked up when he entered, a small smile on his face. “Hi, Sam,” he simply greeted.

Sam decided to get right to the point. If he tried to play nice with John, he would see right through him and the plan might not work. Leaning against the doorway, Sam crossed his arms and solely focused on the man sitting before him. “Dean told me what you said to him earlier.”

The smile was wiped from John’s face and he short of slammed his beer down on the table. Clearly even bringing it up pissed him off. It couldn’t have been anything good.

“Did he now? What did he say?” Ooh, by the sound of his voice, John was _beyond_ pissed. Was that because Dean _supposedly_ told Sam, or because of what John told Dean in the first place?

Sam just shook his head. “No, I want to hear it from your mouth. I wanna know why.” 

For a moment, Sam thought John wasn’t gonna say anything, that he was just gonna walk out. Or worse, hit Sam. But instead, John just nodded his head and took a swig of his beer. 

“Ok, then. You want to hear it, fine. I asked your brother about the monsters he claims as family. Told him to get rid of them. I told him that I expected this sort of behavior from you, but not from him.”

Sam’s heart stopped in his chest. No wonder Dean panicked so much; John told him to kill his husband, son, and brother-in-law, or he’d do it himself. He’d had a feeling that John would react badly to seeing his sons _fraternizing_ with _monsters_ , but he’d also hoped that seeing them happy would change his mind. 

Clearly, Sam had been wrong. 

By the look on John’s face, he hadn’t hidden his reaction well at _all_. “Dean never told you, did he?” When Sam shook his head, John let out a dry laugh, then took another swig of beer. “I was surprised. I didn’t think the little bitch had it in him to tell you _anything_. But it’d been a while. Guess I was wrong.”

Sam’s jaw dropped. _Did John_ really _just say that? Are you fucking_ kidding _me?!_ “What the hell is wrong with you?” He hadn’t realized he said that until he looked at John’s face.

“Excuse me?”

Sam quickly ran his hands through his hair. “How could you call your _own_ son a _bitch_ because he was scared?! How could you tell your own son that he had to _kill_ his _husband_ , his _son_ , and his _brother-in-law_ , or else you would?! HOW THE _HELL_ COULD YOU DO THAT?!”

John abruptly stood up, slamming his hands down on the table, simultaneously spilling his beer. “How could I?! How could _you_ pretend to marry a fucking ANGEL of all things?! How could you let the son of _LUCIFER_ to fucking LIVE?! And don’t even get me started on your _brother_!”

“What about my brother?! What about my brother, who was locked so far back in his own head that he couldn’t accept the feeling he had for his best friend of _YEARS?_! My brother, who has such bad anger problems that he destroyed every single relationship he’d ever had at least _once_! My brother, who was so used to starving himself to make sure I ate that it took me _years_ to make him eat more than a burger or a pie a day. My brother, who doubted every move he made, afraid of what you’d say if you were still around.” 

By that point, tears were streaming down Sam’s face as he remembered everything his bother had suffered through. All the trauma Dean suffered from at the hands at John. He wiped his eyes and continued.

“My brother, who has saved the world more than once. My brother, who has been to all four planes of existence in this dimension. My brother, who is a better man than you’ll _ever_ be.”

There was a pregnant pause before a resounding _slap_ echoed through the kitchen. 

Unlike Dean, who froze in shock at getting slapped by his father, Sam just jumped at John. However, before he got anywhere near him, arms wrapped around his chest and held him in place.

“Don’t do it, Sam. He’s not worth it,” Gabe’s voice whispered in his ear.

When Sam finally stopped struggling and calmed down, Gabe let him go and made to lead him out of the room.

“Hey, we ain’t done here, yet!” John yelled out. 

Sam knew that, and if he walked away now, that could make things worse. He looked down at Gabe, and with one look, Gabe understood what he was saying. As much as he wanted the conversation to be over, he knew it wasn’t done, yet. Gabe gave one last look at Sam, then left. 

Sam turned to look back at John. “What else do you want to talk about? Maybe the fact that you told my brother to kill nearly his entire family? Huh? Or, or, maybe, the fact that you _abused_ him from the day Mom died to the day _you_ died? C’mon, take your pick.”

“Don’t you dare talk back to me. You have no right to talk to your father-”

“My father _died_ in the same house fire that killed my mother. John Winchester on the other hand, well, he died nearly a decade ago,” Sam took a deep breath as he tried to calm down. “I don’t remember my father. All I remember is the drill sergeant that left me with my 4-year-older brother in dirty motel rooms with not enough cash to last two weeks. I remember the man who would hit my brother for so much as stuttering when he was still dealing with the trauma of losing his mom at 4 years old. I remember the man who would whip my older brother for even putting a toe out of line.”

“I did what I had to do to protect you, boys. I did what I had to do to keep you safe. I needed your brother to do exactly what I said to keep you safe, and if giving him a little love tap now and then, then so be it.”

That _was his excuse? Love tap?_

“You know, after decades on this job, we’ve learned that the world isn’t as black and white as you always made it out to be. And, we’ve learned that sometimes, people are worse than the monsters we hunt. And to be honest, we’ve met monsters that are better people than you.”

And with that, Sam turned his back on John and left the room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long to get out. I've been busy and haven't had a lot of time to write. Plus, I thought I had a lot less written already than I thought I did. Chapter 6 was done awhile ago and I didn't even realize, and I'm sorry.

Dean woke up a bit ago and found that everyone was in his and Cas’s room. He’d asked where Sam was, but no one would tell where he was. Everyone was trying to get him to think and talk about other things, but he couldn’t stop thinking about his brother. _Where could he be?_

Maybe twenty minutes after Dean woke up, Sam entered the room and Dean froze when he saw his face. There was a distinct hand-shaped bruise forming on Sam’s left cheek. 

Dean got up to inspect his brother’s cheek. “Sammy, what happened? Where have you been?”

Sam reached up and covered Dean’s hand, which was over the bruise on his cheek. “I was in the kitchen, talking to John.”

Dean froze. _That couldn’t be good._ “W-what were you talking about?”

“About what he told you earlier. About what made you go into the biggest panic attack I’ve seen in _years_.”

At that, Dean made to pull away, but Sam’s grip on his hand tightened, holding him there. Sam moved their hands down, then let go and instead placed his hands on Dean’s shoulders. “He told me everything. Nothing is gonna happen to them, I’ll make sure of it. _We’ll_ make sure of it.”

Dean nodded to show he’d heard, but he was still frozen. _Why? Why would Sam go and do that?_

“Sammich, since I know that Dean-o won’t tell us, what was it that John said?” Gabe inquired. He’d heard a bit when he went to intervene, but not enough to actually know what was going on.

Dean looked up at Sammy, but he just nodded; their version of _it’ll be ok._

“John told Dean that he had to kill you, Cas, Jack, and Rowena or he’d do it himself.”

The room was silent after that. No one knew how to react. Everyone understood at that moment why Dean had panicked the way he did. 

“Damn.” That was all Gabe thought to say.

“Yeah. We got into a pretty big fight after that.”

“Y-you didn’t have to do that, Sam,” Dean tried to tell him, but Sam didn’t listen.

“Yeah, I did. I knew there was no way you were gonna tell us, and Cas and I were worried. You would lock yourself away and would’ve kept it quiet and let it eat you up inside like you _always_ do. You would snap at us constantly and John would probably be pestering you until finally, you broke and told us. This was the only way to get any info.”

Dean stayed silent. He knew that everything Sam just said was 100% true. Still, it didn’t mean he agreed with what Sam did.

“Look, I know that you don’t agree with it. You never liked John and me in a room together alone. Especially after this,” Sam gestured to his cheek. 

At the mention of the bruise, Dean cupped the marked cheek, then gave it a light pat. It stung a little and Sam slugged him in the arm, which caused Dean to chuckle. He then went and sat back down on the bed while Sam leaned back against the door.

“I still can’t believe John would do this. He’s not the same man I fell in love with.” Mary was still in shock. She was stoked her husband was home, she really was, but now she wasn’t so sure. 

“Yeah, we _did_ tell you. After you died, he changed. A lot,” Sam stated.

“I see that now.”

After a bit of silence, Jack asked, “what are we going to do?”

“I don’t know, kid. There’s not a lot we _can_ do, _”_ Dean responded. He had no idea. His original plan was just to ignore John. Not that _that_ would’ve gone over well with him. It probably would’ve just made things worse, as Sam said.

“Well, whatever we do end up doing, we should probably do it soon. I don’t know John, but from what I’ve been told, he’s not a very patient man,” Rowena added.

“Why don’t we all give Dean some space and we’ll think of something tomorrow morning. It’s getting kinda late,” Sam noted, and everyone nodded in agreement. Everyone filed out of the room until it was only Cas and Dean left. 

Dean was staring at the door, his mind worryingly blank. He didn’t know what to think. He loved his family, he did, but John was also his dad. He knew that the only way to get John to stick around was to do what he wanted, but he couldn’t just _kill_ his family. Maybe if he-

“Are you seriously thinking about that?” Cas’s voice broke through his thoughts. He forgot that Cas could read his thoughts. He didn’t do it often, but he would sometimes do it if Dean was going through something mental and on the verge of a breakdown or just coming down from one.

“Tell me, were you seriously thinking about doing something for him? About doing something to us?”

Just the thought that Cas thought he might even _think_ about hurting one of them mortified him. “No! No, of course not. I would never.”

Cas crossed his arms and _stared_ into Dean’s eyes. “Then, pray tell, what _were_ you thinking about? Cause I didn’t like the pretenses.”

Dean could feel panic start to rise through his body, but he had to calm himself down so he could explain to Cas. No point in getting all worked up. “I was trying to think of a plan w-where John and everyone else could co-exist.”

“What, like one of us leaving? Newsflash, that wouldn’t change _anything_.”

Dean didn’t know what to do. He wanted his family and John to get along, but he knew there wasn’t any way to do that. Since he was little, Dean had always been a people pleaser, _especially_ when it came to his family. That’s mostly the reason why his back was all torn up because he knew John needed to hit something and he couldn’t let it be Sammy. Plus, he knew that his Dad didn’t care for him all that much, at least not compared to Sammy. So, it was technically a win-win. Not that anyone other than him and John would see it that way.

Though Cas could read minds, he preferred not to. So when Dean didn’t answer, he didn’t pry. He just threw up his arms and turned to leave. “I’m done.” 

Those two words sent Dean’s thoughts into a spiral. _H-he couldn’t mean it, could he?_ He could feel he was edging on a panic attack, but he steeled his face. He couldn’t show it and he knew that Cas wouldn’t be reading his thoughts. If Cas was mad but thought that Dean was nearing a panic attack, he would drop everything to help him, no matter how pissed off he was. Cas was mad, and he couldn’t have Cas worrying about him. He was a big boy, he could take care of himself, Chuck dammit. Plus, Cas needed to be alone. That didn’t help his thoughts or panic, however. 

“W-wait! Where are you going?” Dean cursed himself for stuttering. He only did that when he was terrified, which only ever happened in the safety of the Bunker and if he thought he might be losing someone; maybe not consciously, but subconsciously.

Thankfully, Cas didn’t seem to hear the stutter; his pace didn’t even falter. “Away. I’m leaving.”

With those few words and the slamming of the door, Dean officially began his Athazagoraphobia-induced panic attack. Not that he knew that, of course.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!! The last few lines hint at a serious topic that will be most of the beginning of the next chapter. If self-harm triggers you, please be careful with the last few lines and the next chapter.

Sam looked up from his book when he heard Cas’s footsteps stomp their way into the library where he was. He stood up and walked over to him.

“Hey, Cas. What’s wrong?”

Cas stopped in his tracks and glared at Sam, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. His frown was etched onto his face. “Your brother is just being an asshole. I had to get away from him for a bit.”

Sam was confused, but he understood. Dean was incredibly stubborn and when he wanted something, he did whatever it took to make it true. So, if he thought there was a way his family could be together, he would go out of his way to make it happen.

“Ok, well Gabe was about to go pick up dinner for everyone, so why don’t you go with him.” 

Cas nodded and made his way to the kitchen while Sam sat back down in his chair and continued his book.

When Cas entered the kitchen, he noticed that everyone but John and Mary was there. “Where are John and Mary?”

“Oh, Mary thought it’d be a good idea to take him out and show him around. Show him what he missed.”

It made sense. John had been dead for just over a decade. The world had changed a lot.

Cas turned to look at Gabe, who was throwing on his coat and grabbing the keys to one of the cars in the garage. “Gabe, Sam told me to join you in getting dinner.”

Gabe just smiled and adjusted his coat. “Right-io, little brother.“

Cas rolled his eyes and followed Gabe to the garage. They both got into Cas’s Pimpmobile, as Dean called it, and Gabe started the car.

The ride was silent for the first twenty minutes before Gabe broke the silence.

“How did your talk go with Dean?”

Cas sighed and leaned back against the seat, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, something he picked up from Dean. “He wants to try and make things work between John and us.”

Gabe scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. “And, _why_ is that a bad thing, exactly?”

“Because it means he still cares about what John thinks!”

Gabe looked over at his little brother in disbelief. Had he forgotten what’d he’d done for their father over the years. “You still care about what Dad thinks. I mean, look at what you did over the years for him.”

Cas glared at him, crossing his arms and huffing out a breath. “That’s different,” he mumbled.

“How, because John abused Dean but Dad never touched us? Maybe, but they both abandoned us. They both left us to fend for ourselves. They didn’t care, they never did. It’s not different Cas. John might’ve been awful, but he’s still their father in some capacity. It’s hard for some people to just let that go. Especially people like Dean.”

The last sentence got his attention. “What do you mean, people like Dean?” Cas was extremely confused. He knew Dean was stubborn, but that couldn’t possibly be what Gabe meant, could it? 

“It’s glaringly obvious, but I guess you still aren’t used to everything human quite yet. You know how some people have depression and other mental disorders like that?”

Cas nodded his head. Sam had explained to him a few different mental disorders, explaining to him that they all suffered from depression in some form or another. He knew Dean had a more extreme case than him and Sam.

“Well, you know Dean has it bad along with PTSD, which you all have. But Dean also sufferers from another mental disorder that I’m not even sure _Sam_ knows he has. I’m not even sure _Dean_ knows he has it. I only know about it because of my many millennia on Earth. Dean suffers from a mental disorder called Athazagoraphobia.”

Now Cas was extremely confused and scared. What did that entail? “What does that mean?”

“Athazagoraphobia is generally the fear of being forgotten or abandoned. If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense.” After that, the conversation turned toward idle chatter until they got to the restaurant Cas stayed in the car while Gabe went in and got the food.

On the way back to the Bunker, he realized that he’d cut Dean off, meaning he couldn’t feel anything from him. He thought about reconnecting it, but they were only twenty minutes away, so he didn’t see the need.

When they got back, Gabe put the food on the map and they both took off their coats. Everyone was sitting around the map table dishing out the food onto separate plates. Well, everyone except for Dean. Even John was there, though he was obviously trying very hard to keep a straight face and not say a word. Whether it was for Mary’s sake or that of his children, he had no clue.

“Where’s Dean?”

“He’s still in your room. Hasn’t left or said a word since you left,” Sam said.

Cas nodded, then made his way to their room. Thoughts of his conversation with Gabriel still echoed through his head, but he ignored them in awaiting for seeing his husband.

He knocked on the door and opened it. “Dean, dinner’s he-” He froze. _No, no, no, no. What happened?_

There, lying in the middle of their shared bed was Dean, blood running from obvious cuts on his wrists. One hand was on his stomach, the other hand on the bed, both engulfed in pools of blood. Dean was passed out, pale as a sheet. _No._

“Dean?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with the aftermath of Dean's suicide attempt, so please READ WITH CAUTION!! This also talks about Dean's mental health and disorders, along with the co-existing symptoms. This chapter can be very triggering, so please be cautious. This is also a longer chapter, so enjoy.

“Sam! Get in here!” Cas ran up to Dean and tried to stop the bleeding in his husband’s wrists. “No, no, no, no, no. Come on, babe, stay with me.”

“Cas, what’s wro- Oh my God!” Sam raced in and tried to stem the bleeding on the wrist on Dean’s stomach. “What the hell did he do?!”

“I don’t know! I found him like this.” How could Dean do this? What could _possibly_ make him do this?

That was when his conversation with Gabe came back. _Dean suffers from severe depression. Athazagoraphobia, the fear of being forgotten or abandoned._ Cas said he was leaving. That alone might’ve been able to throw him into a panic attack.

 _It was his fault_.

“Cas, I don’t know what’s on your mind, but Dean needs you,” Sam called out, snapping out of his thoughts.

Cas nodded, focusing back on his husband’s wounds. _That you caused._

Everyone else ran into the room, not knowing what to expect. 

“What the hell happened in here?” John bellowed. He was _not_ in a good mood.

“We don’t know! Cas came in here to get him for dinner and found him like this.”

Instead of trying to help, John just grabbed the collar of Cas’s shirt and threw him against the wall. 

“John!” Everyone shouted.

“You did this, you son of a bitch! You killed my son!”

Cas threw John’s hands off him. “Like you even care! You nearly put him in this state numerous times!”

John drew back his hand, prepared to slap Cas across the face, but Cas caught his hand. “I love your son. No matter what you think, I would never, _ever_ , intentionally harm him. And if you lay a _hand_ on him, I _will_ end you.” Cas then threw John’s hand down and made his way back to his husband. Gabe and Sam were wrapping Dean’s wrists while Mary was holding Jack close to her chest. Rowena was standing in the corner of the room, covering her face as tears made their way down her face.

Once Sam and Gabe finished wrapping his wrists, Sam leaned down to take Dean’s pulse. “He’s still alive, but barely. He’ll need a lot of rest, but he should be fine.”

As Cas was looking at Dean, he noticed something on his forearm. He walked over and gently grabbed Dean’s forearm and turned it so he could see. The sight brought tears to the angel’s eyes. 

White lines were scattered all over his forearm. Some of them looked incredibly old like they were formed _decades_ ago. Those were the ones he was familiar with. Others, however, looked like they were made just last week; pink and raised and uneven. Cas quickly checked the other arm, and it looked nearly identical, though the lines looked incredibly jagged.

He could hear Sam’s breath hitch behind him. He looked up to see Gabe staring at him with a forlorn look in his eyes. 

Cas wiped the tear from his eye and placed Dean’s arm back down. He then looked around the room at everyone. “I think we need to talk.” He then walked out of the room and back to the map room.

Cas was already sitting at the map table by the time everyone else joined him. Everyone looked worried, but John was spending all of his energy glaring at Cas, probably cursing him out in his head. 

“What the hell was that in there? What did you do to my son?”

Cas generally didn’t know how to answer. He didn’t _physically_ do anything to him, but it was because of his decisions that Dean was in that situation in the first place. However, before he could say anything, Sam spoke up. 

“Cas didn’t do anything to Dean! You’ve probably caused more than half of the scars on his body growing up, including the self-done ones!” 

John froze, probably not knowing how to react to the accusations from his son.

“I did not physically harm your son, but it was my decision that led him to that point.” Everyone looked at him in shock. The attention scared him, especially with what he was talking about, but he needed to explain everything. “Had it not been for Gabe, one of the _monsters_ you so vehemently despise, Dean most likely would’ve died tonight.”

Gabe’s head snapped to look at Cas; He had no clue how he saved Dean’s life. He didn’t think he meant wrapping Dean’s arms, so he had no clue what his brother was referencing. “What do you mean there, little brother?”

“The conversation we had in the car?”

The pieces clicked in Gabe’s head. Huh, who knew that talking about Dean’s mental health to his husband would save his life?

“Care to fill us in, darlin’?” Rowena asked, not missing the head snap and glare from John at the nickname.

“Dean and I were in a fight earlier, which is why I left to go get dinner with Gabe in the first place. Gabe and I were talking about the fight when he brought up Dean’s mental health. We started talking about Dean’s PTSD and depression.” John scoffed, but Cas continued. “We eventually agreed on another undiagnosed mental disorder that he most definitely has.”

“The poor boy probably has _many_ mental health issues.” Everyone nodded their heads in agreement with Rowena. Well, everyone except John, but that wasn’t unexpected.

“Yes, I agree. But, anyhow Gabriel and I decided that Dean most likely has another mental disorder called Athazagoraphobia-”

“Pfft, what the hell is that? That’s not even a fucking word. What the-”

With a flick of her wrist, Rowena effectively silenced John. Mary had to try and hide a smile when John tried and failed to speak. “That should do,” she sang, a smile on her face.

Cas smiled when he saw Jack trying to stifle down a smile. “Athazagoraphobia, in it’s simplest form, is the fear of being forgotten or abandoned. If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense.”

And it did. Smiles were wiped from everyone’s faces, and Sam’s eyes widened as he thought about that. The more he thought about the way Dean reacted to certain things and all the decisions he’d made throughout the years, every time he’d done whatever it took to make sure Sam was safe and ok and even bringing him back if that was the case. He’d always said that it was because Dean didn’t want to be alone; that was the reason Dean got him at Stanford in the first place, he’d outright said it. He didn’t realize just how right he was.

He remembered the time after Gadreel when he told Dean that they were no longer brothers. Not even a week later, Sam accused Dean of letting Gadreel possess him not for Sam’s sake, but his own; because he didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t know just how right he was. He remembered the heartbroken look on his brother’s face when he said he wouldn’t do the same for him, but he was too mad at the time to care. He’d always thought that look was because Dean thought his brother, the only family he had left beside Cas at the time, didn’t care whether he lived or died. Now that he thought about it, however, hat look was most likely because he thought he might be losing Sam, that Sam might leave soon.

John tried to speak up but was thankfully unable to thanks to Rowena’s spell.

After a moment of silence after the shocking news, Gabe finally looked up from his phone, which no one had even realized he’d whipped out. “According to some articles, some symptoms of Athazagoraphobia are panic attacks, body aches, muscle tension, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, dizziness, restlessness, nervousness, fainting, sweating, nausea, depression, avoiding social situations, and lack of focus or concentration.”

“Doesn’t Dad have most of those daily?”

At that question, everyone’s heads whipped to look at Jack. What did he mean?

“Jack, what do you mean?” Mary asked. She was worried about her baby boy. He may be her age now, but he was still a boy in her mind; always will be. From what she knew, none of them knew about Dean suffering from any of those symptoms except for panic attacks and his depression. Were they linked?

“Well, Dad told me not to tell anyone, but I thought that this is the one time I should. When I’m with him, his heart rate will sometimes randomly spike. And most days, I’ll walk into a room to see Dad in pain. He usually complains that his chest, stomach, and upper arms hurt. He said that whatever hurts corresponds with whatever’s been going on lately. He only told me because I’ve walked in on it so many times and wouldn’t stop asking why.” After Jack whispered the last sentence, he stopped talking, but everyone could tell he wasn’t done. No one had any clue what he was going to say next. After taking a deep breath, Jack spoke again. “I’ve even found him passed out on the floor a few times. His heart rate was always really high, and it scared me.”

Cas leaned over and grabbed the armrest on Jack’s chair and pulled it next to his so he could wrap his arms around his son as tears made their way down both their faces. Why would Dean keep something like that from them? And how many times has he passed out and _no one_ even knew?

“I’m connected to the poor boy, and I’ve noticed that he gets quite restless very often. I’ve also felt him pass out,” Rowena confessed.

Cas nodded. “I’ve noticed that, too. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I’d always thought that he was just falling asleep while researching or taking a nap.”

Rowena lightly shook her head. “I didn’t know what it was either, but I knew that wasn’t it.”

“I’m sorry, but what do you mean when you say you’re connected to him?” Mary still wasn’t quite up-to-date with all the bonds and stuff between all the non-humans they know and her boys.

“It means that I’ve created a sort of bond with him. Not as strong as his with the pretty boy Angel over there, but a bond nonetheless. It means that I can tell when something is going on with him. It was created because I worry about him, and it appears I was right to do so.”

After a beat of silence, Sam spoke up. “Even with all the times Jack has caught him, how many times has he suffered without us knowing? I mean, I know that Dean gets super restless and nervous all the time, but how much of that is caused by his phobia?” Sam’s eyes widened in shock. “How long has he even had it?” He whispered.

“Probably longer than you even remember, Sammy,” a voice spoke as they took a step into the map room.

It was Dean.


	9. Chapter 9

“Dean!” Cas stood up from his seat and made his way toward his husband, wrapping his arms around his torso. He was unsure of how much he’d heard, but he knew it was enough to piss him off. He hated it when people talked about him, even more so when it was behind his back. 

After a pause, Cas took a step back, holding Dean at arm’s length as he inspected his face. The color seemed to return to his face, but only a bit. His skin was cool to the touch, and his heartbeat and breathing were increased. 

“Dean, you shouldn’t have gotten out of bed. You should still be resting.”

Dean went to respond but was cut off by Jack. “I healed him the best I could. His wounds are healed but are now scars. Including the vamp bite.”

“He’ll also still feel the effects of blood loss for a while,” Gabe interjected. 

Cas nodded, then led Dean to the empty seat next to his. Once they were both seated, Mary spoke. “How are you feeling, sweetie?”

After taking a deep breath, Dean stated, “well, I’m exhausted, having trouble breathing, and my heart is beating a mile a minute. Besides that, I’m great!” 

Cas rubbed Dean’s shoulder, trying to give Dean any comfort he could, which wasn’t a lot. 

A beat of silence passed before Cas spoke up. “Dean, did you know you had Athazagoraphobia?”

“Well, I knew something was up when I would have panic attacks anytime someone left the room I was in way back when I was 4.”

John leaned forward to speak, Rowena having removed her spell long ago; however, a stern look from Dean cut him off before he even started. 

“Look, I know what I did was wrong and stupid.” Dean looked down and mumbled, ”I didn’t mean to go that deep.”

“You just wanted to feel something other than pure panic and despair,” Rowena declared.

Dean didn’t know what to say; Rowena had hit the nail on the head. In the moment of his panic, he was overwhelmed. The absolute fear and sadness had consumed him. The night Cas and he had gotten married, Dean had told him everything, including his self-harm. He remembered how Cas had been exhausted at that point that he just grabbed Dean’s forearm and said, “Dean, promise me you’ll stop. You’re not alone, and you never will be again.”

Dean vowed from that day that the only scars that would litter his body would be from monsters. And that had been true. However, the stress with Amara and his depression hitting an all-time high, Dean had needed some relief. He’d loathed himself for breaking his promise to his husband, but he’d needed it. And all that had been running through Dean’s head as he dragged his favorite knife through his already scarred wrists was _I let him down again. He’ll never forgive me, and he’ll leave for good. If he ever comes back at all._

By the time Dean had tuned back into the conversation, his family was already in planning mode.

“-armacy and get the meds he needs. We should be back in around an hour,” Gabe announced, Dean not hearing the first half of the conversation. 

“Wait, what’s going on?”

Cas gripped Dean’s hand in his own as his Mom explained that Jack, Gabe, and Rowena were going to head to the nearest pharmacy and get Dean some anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds.

“Guys, that’s not-” Dean tried to refute, but Jack cut him off.

“Dad, we want to. And nothing you say will stop us. You need help, and if you’re admitting it, then it’s bad. We’re going, whether you like it or not.”

While Dean was surprised by his son’s determination, he wasn’t upset. He was proud. Jack was a reserved kid who rarely asked for what he wanted, so to hear him arguing with Dean about something was odd, but not unwarranted.

Dean didn’t fight it when he felt a small smirk make its way onto his face; he just nodded toward Jack. “Alright, then,” he conceded.

Jack’s face broke into a grin before he sprinted to his room to grab his coat.

Cas then stood from his seat, gently pulling Dean up beside him. “I think you should get some more rest. Come on.”

Dean, starting to feel his exhaustion and nausea beginning to kick in once more, minutely nodded his head and followed Cas out of the room and back into theirs. 

Dean froze when he saw the state of the bed: blood stained the sheets and the comforter, a grim reminder of what he’d nearly done.

Cas seemed to understand his hesitation, so his husband sat him down at the desk then proceeded to tear everything off the bed, stripping it down to the mattress. He tried not to stare at the bloodstained sheets or the bloodied knife sitting on top of the pile.

Dean looked up at Cas as he felt his husband grab his arms; he hadn’t realized he was in front of him. He looked down at his arms to see blood starting to seep through; he must’ve been scratching at the bandages. Cas gave Dean a feather-light kiss to the top of his head, then went to put new sheets and a new comforter on their bed. 

“I’m sorry,” Dean finally spoke, breaking the tense silence that he could no longer stand.

Cas glanced over his shoulder at him, a sad look on his face, then he looked back at the bed. “I know, I’m sorry, too.”

Dean was confused. What in the world could he be sorry for? “What do you mean?”

By that point, Cas had finished putting the bed back together, so he took a seat on the edge facing Dean. “I shouldn’t have left you. I should’ve realized you were on the verge of a panic attack. I should’ve-”

“Hey, hey, hey, there’s nothing you could’ve done.” Dean moved over and sat beside his husband on the bed. “I hid it for a reason. I knew that you were upset and needed space. I _also_ knew that if I had a panic attack, you’d drop everything, including your anger, to make sure I was alright. I couldn’t have that, so I waited until you left to break down.”

Cas huffed a sigh, knowing that nothing he could say would change Dean’s mind, so he instead gripped his husband’s hand in his own and held it tight. “I still wish I hadn’t cut you off.”

Dean leaned over and kissed his husband on the cheek, the only way to console him at the moment. “Well, it’s in the past. Nothing we can do about it now.”

A knock on the door had startled them out of their own little world. They had forgotten there were six other people in the Bunker with them. Cas leaned over and gave Dean a quick peck on the lips before he went to answer the door.

Sam was standing there, a pensive look on his face. Dean remembered the conversation they’d had all those years ago in the laundromat reading Chuck’s ‘book.’ _I can’t see your face, but those are definitely your brooding and pensive shoulders._ Sam’s stance was the same as it had been back then when first learning about the Winchester Gospels.

“Hey, Cas. Is it alright if I have some alone time with my brother? It’s been a while.”

Dean couldn’t see his husband’s face, but he could tell a small smile had taken hold.

“Of course. He may be my husband, but he will always be your brother. I shall go check in with Mary, see if she needs help with anything.” Cas looked over his shoulder, quickly nodded his head, then turned and left the room.


	10. Chapter 10

“How are you feeling?” Sam asked, sitting on the edge of the bed while Dean shuffled back to lean against the headboard. 

“Doing better. Little tired and nauseous is all. Ain’t about to upchuck up dinner, though,” Dean chuckled, trying to downplay how horrendous he felt, but it looked like Sam saw right through his act. His head was starting to pound, and it felt like his heart was trying to race the speed of light. 

Sammy reached across the bed and placed the back of his hand across Dean’s forehead. Dean felt normal, but he knew that he probably looked like shit. Sam opened the minifridge the couple kept in their room and handed his big brother a water bottle to help replenish the fluids he’d lost. Cas and Dean kept a minifridge in their room for when Dean would have a panic attack in the middle of the night and needed water. 

Dean gratefully took the bottle and chugged about half of it before he finally decided to breathe. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” After a beat of silence, Sam decided to speak up. “How have you been?”

“Honestly, I’ve been better. Everything with Amara kind of caused my depression and anxiety to skyrocket, and I just couldn’t take it.”

Sam wrapped his had around his older brother’s and gripped it tight, giving his brother some comfort.

The sound of footsteps echoed through the hallway outside the bedroom door. Over the years, the boys’ senses had improved tenfold from hiding from law enforcement/monsters and the multitude of healings from their respective angels. Whoever was outside in the hallway didn’t have the same skills, and there was only one person they could think of.

Sam smirked when he saw his brother press his thumb to his forehead, spreading his fingers out; Dean was asking if Dad was in the hallway. They’d learned ASL when they were kids for when they were on hunts or simply hiding from John. It had been a while since they’d used it, so Sam thought Dean had forgotten, apparently not. 

To hide the fact the boys knew John was listening in, Sam signed **_not as smooth as he thinks_** , while saying, “I’m glad. I’ve missed you, De.”

Dean smiled at the affectionate nickname, which was reserved for when either one of them was feeling down or unwell, mentally or physically. “I’ve missed you, too, little brother.” 

The room went silent once more as Sam tried to think of something to talk about. Finally, it hit him. “Did Cas tell you what John did when we found you?”

Dean’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as his eyes widened. “No.” Dean touched his forehead with the fingers of his right hand, then brought his hand forward and down, changing it to the letter "y" and keeping his palm facing him. **_Why?_ ** Why would Sam have them talk trash about John when they both knew he was eavesdropping?

 **_Just go with it_** **.** “He blamed Cas for _hurting_ you. And you know what, Cas agreed with him.” 

Dean sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Of course, the one time my _father_ and my husband agree on something is when I nearly kill myself.” Then it clicked. Sam wanted John to hear some of the shit he’d done, but he wanted it to hurt. And hearing his sons talk behind his back would feel like a betrayal. He smirked as he emphasized, “Granted, based on some of the shit he’d done over the years, it makes sense.” 

When Sam realized Dean had figured out his plan, he smirked in return. “You were raising me alone. You were bound to make some mistakes, especially when you were less than double digits. And I doubt I was an easy baby.”

Dean started to chuckle. “No, you were not. You were a troublemaker.”

Sam started to think back on some of the reasons Dean was beat growing up. The more he started to think, the more he realized that most of the times Dean was ‘injured’, it was after Sam had broken something or did something else wrong.

Dread pooled at the bottom of his stomach the more he thought about it. “Did John beat you because of me?”

Dean’s head snapped to look at Sam. _What?_ “Of course not. John pounded on me because he was an obsessed, alcoholic, bastard who cared more about revenge than his traumatized 4-year-old and 6-month-old.” Dean then sighed. “Granted, when I got older, I _did_ provoke him, so I deserved it most nights.” 

Sam reached over and grabbed his older brother’s hand. "I know for a fact that you didn’t provoke him hardly ever, and most nights John hit you either because he was drunk off his ass and was livid at the smallest things, or you were protecting me from him. Plus, even if you did provoke him, that’s no reason to send you to the hospital nearly once a month.”

Dean looked down and after a minute, he finally nodded his head, agreeing with Sam. 

Abruptly, John burst through the door, slamming it against the adjacent wall. “What the hell is going on?”

Sam and Dean were waiting for this moment, so they immediately adorned their puppy-dog eyes and Sam innocently asked, “What do you mean?”

John was _livid_ , and the brothers were enjoying every minute of it, even if Dean was attempting not to flinch. “You know DAMN WELL what I mean!”

“We didn’t know you were there!” John didn’t need to know Dean was lying.

“That doesn’t mean SHIT! You shouldn’t talk about your father behind his BACK!”

Sam and Dean had to suppress their smiles as they ‘innocently’ looked at each other in ‘confusion’. “We weren’t talking about Bobby, we were talking about you,” Dean corrected. 

John began to stalk toward Dean as if Sam wasn’t even in the room. “I’ll teach you to talk behind my back.”

Dean jumped up and started to back away in pure terror, images starting to flash before his traumatized mind. At the same moment, Sam had moved to try and restrain John. 

However, before John could even move an inch, something appeared directly in front of him, stopping him in his stead. 

“Now, I _know_ you were not about to harm my best friend, were you?”

“Who the hell are you?!”

Dean let out a breath of relief as he sagged back against the wall. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders as he slid to the ground, a hand clutching his chest to calm his racing heart. He couldn’t believe it; he was here. He was wondering when he would come.

“Crowley,“ Dean whispered.

The demon turned to look at the Winchester brothers, a smirk on his face. “Hello, boys.”


	11. Author's Note

Hey, guys. 

So, I put a schedule on this story to make sure I always had a chapter to put up. I pre-write my chapters and I tried putting them up every few days, but because I didn't write every day, I was getting close to surpassing the number of chapters I already had written, so I changed to uploading every Friday instead until I finished the story.

Well, _now_ , I've finished the story; It's all written and waiting to be posted.

I was wondering if you guys wanted me to keep updating every Friday, or if you want me to move it back to every few days so the chapters get out faster.

Just let me know and I'll adjust accordingly. I'm super excited to get these chapters out for you guys to read, but I don't want to upload them all at once. I think you'll really like them. 

Can't wait!

Mickey


	12. Chapter 11

As Dean slid to the floor, he saw Sam join Crowley in standing before John. 

_Wait, if Sam, Crowley, and John were all in front of him, then who was grabbing his arm to help him stand?_

Dean finally looked over and was shocked to see the face of one of his best friends.

“Benny?”

The vampire’s face broke into a smile. “Hey there, Cher.” Benny then pulled Dean to his feet, then the two of them joined the King of Hell and the younger Winchester brother.

“Dean? You know these people?” 

Crowley, completely ignoring the blubbering Winchester, turned to look at Dean. “Where is the rest of the family?”

“Cas and Mom are in the kitchen and the other three are at the nearest pharmacy,” Dean explained. At Crowley’s raised eyebrow, Dean added, “we’ll explain in the Map room.”

Crowley then smiled and snapped his fingers and they were all transported to the Map room.

Everyone sat down, Crowley promptly propping his feet up on the table, while Sam went to the kitchen to get Cas and Mary.

“Who the hell are you two?” John continued to question.

When no one answered, wanting to wait for Mary, Cas, and Sam, John started getting upset. 

“Answer me, dammit!”

With a wave of his hand, Crowley effectively silenced John, just as his mother had done an hour prior. “Patience is one of the few virtues I have. Though, I’m not entirely sure it should be wasted on the likes of you.”

At that moment, those that were being waited on finally appeared and sat down. With another wave of his hand, John was able to speak once more.

“Who the fuck are you?!” John had finally lost his patience.

A smirk crept its way onto Crowley’s face as he mock-bowed. “Crowley, King of Hell.” 

Dean could see John flex his jaw and had to suppress a smile. 

John then looked at Benny, who had a hand on Dean’s shoulder while Cas was holding his hand. “And who the hell are you?”

“My name is Benny.” At John’s incredulous stare, Benny continued, “I’m a vampire.”

Dean could see John clench his fist and immediately tightened his grip on Cas’s hand.

“How did you meet?” John asked, trying to keep his temper under control.

“Well, I helped Squirrel and Moose here defeat Lucifer. We’ve had an on and off relationship since then. I’ve helped them, I’ve screwed them over; it’s a working relationship”

Dean rolled his eyes while simultaneously trying not to smile. Crowley had tried to pretend he was still the hardass King he used to be, but really he was a teddy bear, _especially_ when it comes to the Winchesters (Dean mostly). 

When John turned to look at Benny, he started to explain that he met Dean and Cas in Purgatory and they were together for a year before they got out.

“What’s Purgatory?” John questioned. He’d heard talk about it from some monsters, but that was over a decade ago and he couldn’t remember what he’d heard.

“Purgatory is where monsters like me go when we die.” 

After a moment, John seemed to have absorbed what Benny said, and he became livid as he turned to look at Dean. “You brought a VAMPIRE back into the world?! WHAT THE HELL?!”

Everyone in the room could see Dean starting to panic, except for John. Before Dean could try and sputter a response, Cas was up and out of his seat, a hand loosely around John’s throat. “Benny is the _only_ reason Dean made it out of Purgatory in the first place. That man, and yes, I said man, protected Dean the entire year he spent looking for me and up to the gate. You should be lucky that Benny found Dean at all.”

“It’s all right, Chief,” Benny called out, trying to calm Cas down. While Cas had originally jumped to Dean’s defense, he had ended up protecting Benny. When Cas realized that he hadn’t even _talked_ to Benny after he got out of Purgatory because of Naomi, he was extremely upset. When the group finally had even a small break between big bads, Cas had Dean call Benny so they could get together. After that, Cas had tried to help Benny get used to life with his limited knowledge when Dean couldn’t. Eventually, Benny ended up moving into the Bunker, but he traveled a lot to explore the new world. The only reason he hadn’t been at home when John showed up was that he was in Colorado enjoying the snow. Cas and Dean had become protective over Benny, though not nearly as protective as Cas and Benny were over Dean. 

With one final light squeeze to John’s throat, Cas finally let go and trudged back over to his seat. No one missed the light mumbling of “crazy fucking angel” under his breath. Cas just ignored him, resting one am in his lap and propping the other one up, pressing his fist to his mouth to calm down. 

Out of nowhere, Rowena, Jack, and Gabe suddenly appeared in the middle of the Map room. When the group spotted the two new arrivals, Rowena walked over to hug her son, Jack skipped over to Benny, and Gabe sat down beside his little brother. 

“What are you doing here?” Jack asked as he wrapped Benny in a tight hug. When they first met, Jack took to Benny like he was a long lost friend. They were nearly inseparable when Benny was home.

“Well, Feathers here called Benny and me to let us know that John had shown up. I was in the middle of some business down in Hell. When I finished, I called Benny to tell me where he was so I could bring him here. I rushed when I remembered what Feathers, Squirrel, and Moose had told me about him. Looks like I got here just in time.” 

“Where were you, kiddo?” Benny asked, directed to Jack. 

“Oh! We went to the nearest pharmacy to get Dad some meds!”

Both the demon and the vampire gave Dean a questioning look as the man shrunk into his seat.

“I’m fucked up in the head” was all Dean decided to say.

Everyone in the room was silent and Mary decided to elaborate. “Earlier today, we found out that not only does Dean suffer from PTSD and depression, but he also has Athazagoraphobia.”

Benny let out a low whistle while Crowley gave a surprised face. “It’s been a while since I heard of that. Try not to OD on all those meds.”

At that, Dean sat back up in his chair and stuck his tongue out at the demon. Then a thought occurred to him that made him smile. “Well, since we’ve got more than half the gang here, why don’t we invite the girls over?”

“I have been meaning to see Claire again. It’s been a while,” Cas agreed.

Dean rested a hand on his husband’s shoulder as he thought about the young huntress. Between college and hunting, Claire rarely had time for family. Whenever she did visit family, it was almost always Jody’s place and she was gone before they could go see her. 

“Ok, well, I’ll go give Jody and Donna a call,” Sam announced, grabbing his phone from his pocket and heading toward the library.

“Oh, ‘fore I forget.” Gabe grabbed a plastic bag from the floor and tossed it across the table to Dean.

Without even looking inside at the contents, Dean could tell it was multiple bottles of meds. Though, when he felt something else, he opened it to find the newest edition of Busty Asian Beauties, fall/Halloween edition.

“Oh ho ho, what do we have here?” 

When Cas saw what was in his hands, he rolled his eyes and kicked his brother in the leg under the table.

The Archangel yelped and clutched his shin, bringing it up into his chair. “Hey! What was that for? I thought he could use a little pick me up. Plus, I know most of those meds taste like ass.”

At that point, Benny started to chuckle when he realized Dean wasn’t even paying attention anymore, already flipping through the magazine. 

“What’s ‘Busty Asian Beauties’?” Mary and Jack asked simultaneously.

Crowley gave a quick glance at his mother before giving a shit-eating grin. “Only Dean’s favorite porn magazine.”

That caught Dean’s attention. When he realized what his mom and his son asked and what Crowley told her, he started to madly blush, quickly shoving the magazine back into the plastic bag. Benny and Gabe started to cackle at Dean’s face while Cas and Crowley gave a small smile. Mary was lightly brushing, not wanting to think about what her son _enjoyed,_ and Jack was confused because he didn’t know what porn was.

“That’s the first normal thing you’ve done since I got here,” John cut in.

Everyone, excluding Dean, wanted to show John what normal was around here, but they were interrupted when Sam walked back into the room. “Ok, so the girls will be here sometime tomorrow.” When he finally noticed the tense air in the room, he furrowed his eyebrows. “What did I miss?”

Jack, realizing that it was probably best not to tell him what John had said, decided to say, “Uncle Gabe got Dad something called ‘Busty Asian Beauties’.”

“Ugh, dude, come one. It’s been years since you last read one. We don’t need you getting porn and reality mixed up again.”

Dean blushed further as everyone either smiled or laughed and grabbed the magazine from the plastic bag, chucking it as his brother as Sam sat down beside Mary

“Leave the poor boy alone. He probably needs a break from all the sex. I mean, they only hit fifth base last year,” Rowena rejoiced, taking pleasure at making even the angel begin to blush madly.

“Ok, I think we’re done here. I’m gonna go and take some meds, then promptly pass out,” Dean announced, grabbing Cas’s wrist and the plastic bag on the table, dragging both of them into their room while everyone else continued to snicker, whoop, and grin.


	13. Chapter 12

By the time, Jody, Donna, and the girls showed up, it was nearing 9:30. Mary was the one who brought them in and into the kitchen, where Dean and Cas were finishing up up dinner between dancing to Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin. Sam was trying to secretly record them while Crowley, Gabe, and Benny were cheering them on. Rowena and Jack were just jamming out to the music while John was nowhere to be found. 

The way Dean and Cas were dancing was…sweet. Even though his husband was a nearly invincible angel, Dean would lay his arms around Cas’s waist with the most delicate touch. And whenever Dean spun Cas, Cas would just giggle before reminding Dean to focus back onto the food. Whenever there was a slow song, Cas would either press himself up to Dean’s back as he cooked, or they would hold each other and sway while waiting.

Finally, dinner was done and Cas, Dean, and Jack brought all the food out to the Map room setting down the food while Sam, Mary, and Gabe put out the plates and silverware. 

Once everyone was seated, Dean announced, “dinner is served!”

Benny smiled and clapped his hands together. “Laissez Les Bon temps rouler.”

“What does that mean?” Jack asked, curious as ever to Benny’s culture and life before being a vampire.

“Let the good times roll.”

Then, everyone dug in, passing around food, and talking. Maybe, halfway through, Claire noticed the empty seat beside Mary. “Who is that for?”

At that, Dean and Cas looked at each other before setting their silverware down onto their plates. 

“That’s actually one of the reasons we called you here,” Sam spoke up. “We know how much you hate being left out of the loop, plus we realized it’s been a while.”

Donna realized that he was trying to stall. “What are you trying to hide, boys?” At Sam’s obvious shock and fake confusion, Donna continued, ”you’re talking slowly. You’re usually a fast talker. So cut the cheesecake and get to the point.”

Gabe and Dean broke down laughing as Sam began to lightly blush. 

“What he’s trying to say is that Winchester trash that doesn’t deserve to be called Winchester is here,” Crowley spoke up once the two laughing idiots finally calmed down. 

After a beat of silence, Jody asked, “John? He’s here?” Jody only knew who he was because of all the smack talk Sam and Cas did about him. They’ve never had anything to say about him. It appeared that everyone was informed of the boys’ past and no one was thrilled that human trash was here.

“How and why is he here?” Claire asked.

“We’re not sure,” Cas told her. “I know it wasn’t the angels. I would’ve felt even a faint trace Grace on him, but there was none. It must’ve been powerful.”

Suddenly, Dean looked as if a lightbulb just went off in his head.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Squirrel?”

“Squirrel?” The girls (sans Mary and Rowena) quietly mumbled to themselves, never having heard the King of Hell’s beloved nickname for his best friend. 

“Well, how many people do we know besides Crowley, Rowena, and the Archangels that are stronger than angels?”

Slowly, looks of realization started to adorn people’s faces.

“It’s either Dad or Auntie Amara,” Gabe finally announced, though he knew that he didn’t need to.

“It’s most likely Amara, considering she brought Mom back. She probably thought that you needed Dad back, too.”

“Well, she was just a _bit_ wrong there.” Rowena chuckled.

When no one said anything else, Donna asked what the other thing they wanted to talk about was.

No one spoke, wanting Dean to be the one to tell them. When he realized that, Dean started to play with his ring while Cas rubbed his back. “Umm, you know how I have Depression and PTSD, right?” When they nodded, he continued. “Well, earlier today, we discovered that I have another mental disorder called Athazagoraphobia. It’s basically the fear of being abandoned and/or forgotten.”

“Speaking of…” Gabe trailed off as he snapped his fingers. An orange pill bottle appeared on the table beside Dean’s plate. When he realized what it was, he quickly popped off the top and downed a single pill with a sip of his water, which had mysteriously taken the place of his beer. 

“What do you think caused it?” Donna asked.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the consistent PTSD, or constantly being left alone as a kid and not knowing if it was forever or not. Maybe, it was the fact that all of my family seems to die at least once, and sometimes it’s permanent,” Dean quickly ground out, slowly getting worked up as old memories started to resurface. His greatest hits, aka, his biggest and most colossal failures. 

“Ok, I get it. No need for the sarcasm,” Jody scolded, feeling kinda bad when the man shrunk down in his seat. 

Sam decided that everything that needed to be discussed was over with, so he urged everyone to continue eating and enjoy some light-hearted banter.

Everyone finished dinner and their conversations around midnight. Jody said that they had to leave early so they could get to their shift on time.

After they left, Sam, Dean, Gabe, Cas, Rowena, and Mary all went to sleep. Even though Cas and Gabe were angels, they also had souls from their times as humans. Because of Jack, Jack was able to give them the ability to sleep, that way the can enjoy some downtime with their respective husbands. 

And while Jack had a soul and was able to sleep, he didn’t like it and didn’t need it much anyway, so he usually stayed up with whoever was still awake. 

So while everyone else went to bed, Jack, Benny, and Crowley all stayed up in the Library just talking. 

That’s when the worst shit went down.


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!! Dean talks about his past. Child prostitution, starvation, and child rape are mentioned and talked about, so YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!! 
> 
> Please be careful and read at your own risk.

Benny, Crowley, and Jack were all lounging in the library enjoying some small talk. Jack was immersed in Benny’s stories of all the places he’d been, with Crowley adding little anecdotes of the misadventures he’d had throughout his nearly 400 years. Jack laughed so hard at their stories that the poor Nephilim was going to have a six-pack.

The group was trying to stay quiet as to not wake the lightly-sleeping angels and hunters. And Rowena.

Suddenly, Crowley felt a weird sensation fill the air. It felt like...a spell. They were the only ones awake from what Crowley knew, so who could have cast it, and why?

While Crowley was refilling his glass to think, he saw faint movement behind Benny, who was busy trying to quiet down Jack. 

When he realized what it was, Crowley dropped his glass and yelled, “DOWN!” Benny immediately dropped to the ground, trusting that Crowley wasn’t messing with him, and Crowley threw his hand out, hurling the figure across the room and into the nearest wall. 

Benny jumped to his feet at the sound of a machete dropping to the hardwood floor. 

Jack and Crowley were standing on either side of Benny. “Are you ok, Benny?” Jack asked gripping onto his uncle’s arm.

Benny reached across and ruffled Jack’s hair to comfort him “I’m ok, buddy. I’m ok.”

As that was happening and Crowley was sure that Benny was truly ok, he turned around and snapped his spilled drink out of existence. 

Finally, the group looked at the main event for the night. Where he was struggling against the force holding him against the wall, John Winchester was glaring at the group as if _they’d_ tried to kill _him._

Dean came running into the library. “What the hell is going on in here?”

“Well, the human garbage over there came at Benny with this,” Crowley explained, picking up and showing Dean the machete John Winchester had tried to use to decapitate the vampire. When he saw that Dean was in a state of shock, Crowley disintegrated the machete, letting its ashes fall to the ground. 

“What in the hell were you thinking?” Dean nearly yelled at John, trying to stay quiet enough not to wake the rest of his family. 

“I was thinking that if I killed the abomination, vamp, the witch, and the demon, then it would be easier to kill the angels. Then, I could try and reverse the brainwashing they'd done on you."

Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Crowley snapped up a glass of whiskey and handed it over. When Dean immediately downed it, Crowley refilled it. This was going to be a long night.

"How many times do I have to say that we're not brainwashed. They are our friends. Our family. We love them."

"That's what you think. They're just using you. They'll toss you aside when they don't need you-"

"Like you did?" Dean cut him off. He couldn't believe that John thought that he would buy that bullcrap.

"Come on, son. I'm your father. Don't you trust me?" John was reduced to begging. _Begging_. How far the mighty have fallen.

"I might've at one point, long ago. But not anymore. You were never my father. _Bobby_ was. You were never _Sam's_ father. _I_ was. You didn't raise us, _I_ did." When he felt the tears start to spill down his face, he turned away to wipe them away. 

"You left us, all the time. You never left us with enough money for the number of weeks you were gone. I barely ate to make sure Sam had at least three meals a day."

More tears made their way down his face, but he didn't bother to wipe them away as he turned back, looking John in the eyes. "I was 7-years-old when we first severely ran out of money. There was only so much I could do." Dean tried to calm himself down, but nothing he did worked. 

Jack made his way over and gripped his Dad's hand in his while Benny placed a hand on his shoulder. Crowley didn't move, but Dean knew that was only because he didn't know how to reassure him.

"I was 7-years-old when I lost my virginity. I had to sell myself to men that were nearly thirty years older than me. All to make sure Sammy could eat. To make sure my _son_ could eat. Cause that's what that kid really is. My _son_. Not yours, _mine._

"Funny enough, not long after, you picked up on the same idea. Between all the beatings and taking care of Sammy, I was selling myself to drug dealers and getting raped by the same man who was supposed to love me, to raise me."

At that point, Dean was full-on sobbing and an eerie silence filled the bunker. "So, I don't know what part you think you had in raising us, but you have no right to call us your sons, to call yourself our father. I'm done with you."

John, who had been shocked at Dean's confession, finally came back to his senses. "What are you going to do, kill me? We all know you don't have the guts."

The other three in the room wanted to step in, to teach John a lesson, but they didn't, knowing that Dean needed to do this.

Dean smiled and finally wiped the tears soaking his face with his shirt. "No, I'm not going to kill you, but not because I'm scared to. It's because I know that you'll suffer if you don't have Sam and me under your thumb. I know that you'll be hunted down for the rest of your life." Dean walked over to John, leaning over him with a sneer on his now dry face. "I'm not going to kill you, because I want you to live a long, _long_ life knowing what you lost; that we bested you." Dean stood back up and began walking back to the group.

"I'll just come back. You can't stop me. Your plan won't work," John called out. Dean couldn't tell if he really believed that, or if he was scared and bluffing, but he didn't care.

"No, you won't. You see, one of the perks of having a lot of powerful friends," Dean turned to look back at John, "is that most of them can erase memories. You'll remember the time spent here, but you'll have no memory of how you got here."

John had started to struggle once more. "You can't do this! I'm your father, you should respect me! You can't do this to me!"

Dean just ignored him in favor of walking up to his son, who also had tears streaming down his face. "Would you do me the honor?"

Jack just nodded and wiped away his tears. As he walked over to John, Crowley upped his hold on John so he could hardly move and he was silent. Once Jack placed two fingers on John's forehead, the man collapsed to the floor unconscious.

At the sight of the star of most of Dean's nightmares unconscious on the ground, no longer a problem, the hunter felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. His knees started to buckle and he fully expected to hit the ground, but he felt arms wrap around him and lower him down instead. "Easy there, cher. Don't need you hurting yourself."

Dean was exhausted mentally and physically. Benny tightened his grip around Dean as he laid his head on the vampire's shoulder. "I'm ok, just tired."

"I'd be surprised if you weren't."

Dean saw movement in the corner of his eye but didn't look up until he felt his husband place a hand on his knee. Looking past Cas, he saw Sam, Gabe, Rowena, and Mary all standing in the hallway just outside the Library.

Dean looked back at Cas to see tears bubbling below the surface of the ocean blue eyes he loved so much. 

"How much did you hear?" Dean whispered, too weak to talk any louder.

"Everything. We got there right after you," Cas whispered back, a hand reaching forward and cupping Dean's cheek.

The hunter began to cry once more and he felt himself being transferred from Benny's arms to his husband's and he buried his face into the crook of Cas's neck. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Cas just rubbed up and down his back and held him close, whispering sweet nothings to calm him down.

Sam eventually made his way over and kneeled down in front of his brother and brother-in-law, Gabe following behind. After a minute, Mary and Rowena followed suit.

"De, why didn't you ever tell me?" Sam asked, grabbing the only hand not buried in Cas's shirt.

After Dean had calmed down, he gave Sam's hand a little squeeze. "You didn't need to know. It's my job to protect you. I did what I had to and I don't regret it. I only regret that I had to do it in the first place."

"But Dean, you didn't _have_ to do it. You didn't need to starve yourself, to..." Sam trailed off, not wanting to think about the things his older brother suffered from to make sure he was ok and well-fed. "I didn't need three meals a day. I would've been fine."

Dean didn't say anything, only tucked his face further into Cas's neck, though Sam didn't miss the little squeeze in his hand.

Gabe started to glance around as if looking for something. He then looked at Crowley. "Do you feel that?"

Crowley nodded, taking a sip of his expensive Scotch. "John cast a spell to weaken you and feathers over there. He knew that it would be easier to kill you if you were weaker, but he had to get rid of us first." After another sip, Crowley continued.

"No one messes with the Winchesters without going through us first."

Gabe smirked, then gave the demon a mock two-fingered salute before looking back over at Dean.

Dean's breathing had slowed and his body had gone limp, his muscles relaxing for the first time since John had shown up.

"Dean has passed out. I'm gonna put him to bed. We should all get some sleep. We have a long talk tomorrow," Cas announced, easily standing up with Dean cradled in his arms against his chest. 

Everyone else stood, looking around the room and nodding to one another.

"What about him?" Mary asked, drawing attention to the elephant in the room. Or rather, human garbage.

"I'll deal with him," Crowley announced before him and the condemned Winchester disappeared. Around two minutes later, Crowley reappeared, but without his cargo.

"He is now somewhere in Rhode Island. He has no memories of how he got here, only that he was."

Cas nodded, then trekked out of the room, arms full of his unconscious husband.

If tonight was a long night, tomorrow would feel like an eternity.


	15. Chapter 14

"Dean? Are you awake?" A voice crept into Dean's sleep-addled brain. The hunter just groaned and dug his face further into his pillow and tightened his grip around it, quickly realizing that it was Cas's chest.

Cas let out a light laugh and began to run his fingers through Dean's short hair. "Dean, you have to get up at some point. It's almost noon."

Dean just tightened his grip around Cas once more. Not many knew it, but Dean _loved_ the feeling of Cas's fingers raking through his hair. Dean nearly fell back asleep right then and there.

However, Cas realized that pretty quickly and switched to rubbing his back instead, knowing that it was equally comforting, but not enough to put Dean to sleep.

"Damn you," Dean mumbled into Cas's chest. He then looked up, trying not to dig his chin into Cas's sternum, and 'glared' at Cas; his husband just gave him a small smile.

When Cas's smile didn't waver, Dean just sighed and placed his head back on the angel's chest. "Fine." After a minute, Dean finally threw off the covers and slowly sat up, Cas sitting up right behind him and wrapping his arms around Dean's torso, placing one of his hands over his heart.

"How do you feel?"

Dean just sighed, placing a hand over Cas's hand, the one over his heart, and interlocked their fingers, leaning back into his husband, who instinctually tightened his grip. "I think? I mean, I'm happy he's gone, really. I'm ecstatic. But, I'm exhausted and I don't know if it's mentally or physically. Or both."

Cas the thumb of his free hand up and down in a comforting motion. "It's ok. You've been through an emotional rollercoaster over the past few days. Plus, you're still suffering from an adrenaline rush last night and your... _accident,_ a few nights ago. You'll probably be exhausted for a few days."

Dean nodded and closed his eyes, snuggling further into Cas. 

A knock on the door echoed through the room.

"Umm, are you decent?" Mary's voice asked from the other side of the door. 

"Yes, Mary, come in," Cas called out, adding a laugh at the end. They were both shirtless, having taken off their shirts after Cas brought Dean back to their room.

Mary pushed open the door and stepped in, a smile on her lips when she saw the position they were in. 

"The girls already left, but we have something for you in the kitchen," Mary said, then left the room. 

"Time to get up," Cas whispered into Dean's ear, then lightly pecked the space below his ear before getting up.

"Noooo," Dean whined, falling back onto the bed. But he quickly rolled over onto his stomach when he saw Cas shimmy out of his sweatpants to put on a pair of worn-out jeans. 

When Cas noticed, he just smirked and stuck out his ass as he bent down to pick up one of Dean's band shirts from the floor. He then looked back at Dean after throwing on the shirt, making his way over. Dean rolled over on his back as Cas leaned over him, placing a chaste kiss onto his lips. Cas then stood back up and threw a pair of jeans and a shirt at Dean. 

Dean just pouted and sat back up and got up, quickly throwing on the clothes. 

Cas walked over and grabbed Dean's hand, giving it a little squeeze. Finally deciding to leave the room, Cas nearly dragged Dean out of the room and into the kitchen.

They were both surprised to find the kitchen counter _filled_ with pancakes, bacon, eggs, sausage, and other breakfast items; all his favorites. 

Dean looked around at the other people in the room, tears threatening to slip down his face.

"After what you went through, we wanted to do something nice for you for a change," Sam explained, gesturing to all the food with a familiar shine in his eyes. "After learning some more of the millions of things you did for me growing up, Gabriel and I decided to do something for you. We cooked all of your favorite foods all morning since we didn't know what to get you."

Tears shed down both brother's faces. Sam came out from behind the counter and Dean nearly tackled his brother to the ground with a hug.

"Thank you, Sammy," Dean cried into Sam's shoulder.

"I'm sorry for everything that happened to you, De. I'm so sorry," Dean just tightened his grip around his little brother.

"None of it was your fault, little brother. I did it _for_ you, but not _because_ of you, you understand me?" He felt Sam nod into his shoulder.

They eventually let go of each other and wiped their tears. Dean looked back around to the food. "How long did this take you to do?"

"Well, Cas put you to bed around 5 and we finished half an hour ago, so around nearly six hours."

Dean let out a long whistle. "Damn, all for little ole me?"

"Anything for you, bucko," Gabriel called out from behind the counter. 

"Samuel, did you forget something?" Rowena questioned.

A lightbulb went off in Sam's head. "Oh, yeah, come on, I want to show you something!" Sam grabbed Dean's hand and _dragged_ him out of the kitchen and into the garage. Cas and Gabe followed behind while Mary, Rowena, Jack, Benny, and Crowley stayed behind.

Dean was confused. He had already seen all the cars in the garage and Sam knew that there was no point in getting a new car.

Sam covered Dean's eyes as he positioned him the way he wanted. When he uncovered Dean's eyes, he was confused at first. Then, it clicked. 

Sam had washed Baby head to toe and even had repainted the scratches that he hadn't gotten around to fixing. 

Dean felt more tears gather in his eyes as he turned to look at Sam. "Did you really..?" Dean trailed off.

Sam smiled and nodded, his hair wildly bouncing up and down. "Yup, and I did it all by hand. Gabriel had no part in it."

Dean looked to Gabe who was smiling. "For once, I'm not lying when I say I did absolutely nothing."

Dean giggled, then turned back to look at his little brother. "Thank you. Now, who wants to enjoy some breakfast?" He asked, clapping his hands together, smiling. 

However, before anyone could answer, a loud of "Dad! Pops! Someone's in the Map room!" rang out.

The group of four ran into the Map room to find the rest of their family standing in front of an incredibly recognizable figure.

"Amara? What are you doing here?"


	16. Chapter 15

Everyone was sitting around the map table, all staring at God's sister. Amara and Cas were the only ones standing, the former standing at the opposite end of the table with the latter standing behind his husband. 

"I'm here for you, Dean. Well, more like to apologize," Amara stated, a look of sadness adorning her face.

Dean blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, something he did when he was nervous or uncomfortable. Right now, it was kind of both. "What do you mean?"

"I was the one who brought John Winchester back," she answered.

Cas began to rub circles into Dean's shoulders as he felt his heart begin to race. Ever since the _incident_ , Cas and Rowena both had been more in tune with Dean, paying attention to every little thing. They didn't think anything _too_ bad would happen, but they wanted to be prepared. And if Dean were to pass out again, they wanted to be there for him.

"Yeah, we kinda figured that much out." He didn't see why that required a visit from God's _sister_ of all people. I guess if she had seen what had happened during his _visit_ , then _maybe_.

"Do you know _why_ I brought him back?"

"We just thought that you thought Dean needed both him _and_ Mary back. Giving him what he needed most," Cas answered for him when he felt Dean freeze. Just the thought that there might be another reason for him being there terrified him. He could feel sweat building on his forehead and his chest and arms began to ache. As if Cas and Crowley could tell, the angel began to massage Dean's arms while Crowley snapped a glass of water into existence, which Dean immediately chugged half down. 

When no one said anything, Amara decided to continue. "I knew about your Athazagoraphobia. I've known it since I first laid eyes on you. It was hard to see, being buried so deep in your subconscious. I knew that there was no way to inform you of it in a way you would believe me, considering no one else could see it." Amara then sighed, her shoulders slumping as she thought about what John had done with his stay at the Winchester home. "I knew the only way for anyone to even think about it was to see you at your worst, to see your Athazagoraphobia kick in. So, I did the only thing I could think of: I brought your father back to life." Amara then leaned forward in her seat. "I knew what he had done in the past, and I apologize for bringing him back, but it needed to be done. I wish there was another way to get you to that point, but this was the only way. And I apologize for having to get you to that point at all." She leaned back in her seat, grief clear in her eyes.

Dean could feel himself fringing on the edge of a panic attack. He couldn't believe it. Amara _knew_ what he had done to them, to _him_ , growing up, yet she _still_ thought it would be a good idea to bring him back?! Well, she knew it was a bad idea, but _still_! 

Granted, the more he thought about it, the more he realized she was right. Had Amara just shown up one day and tried to explain to him that he had a mental disorder called Athazagoraphobia, which didn't even sound real, there was no way he would've believed her. He would've done the same thing in her position.

He could feel his panic ebbing away and after finishing his water, he had stopped sweating.

"It's ok. I understand. It wasn't your fault. I'm just glad that it's all over now."

Amara tilted her head to the side, eerily similar to Cas, but completely different nonetheless. "You _do_ realize that he will never stop trying to find you, right?"

"We know," Sam broke in. "But it's a risk we're willing to take in order to make him suffer. Plus, I have a feeling we have some friends that are gonna be keeping a close eye on him."

Amara looked around the room to see the Archangel, the Angel, the Nephilim, the King of Hell, a vampire, and a witch all nod their heads.

It still amazed her that one human, albeit, the Righteous Man, could bring this odd group of creatures together. While they were all close to Sam, you could tell they were all there for Dean (except for Gabriel, whose main concern was Sam). Dean was very much the leader of this group; the one everyone listened to. He had an air to him that made everyone around him want to be his friend, to want to listen to him. He could make even his worst enemies his best friend. Dean Winchester was special in such a way that the English language failed to have a word to describe him.

She felt a pull; Chuck wanted her. She stood up, catching the eyes of everyone in the room. "I'm glad that everything worked out for the best, but I'm afraid I must go. My brother wants me."

Dean then smiled at her. "Thank you, Amara, for letting us know."

Amara gave him a small smile one second, then the next she was gone. 

Mary let out a light chuckle that caught everyone's attention. "You know the strangest people."

Slowly people started to file out of the room until all that was left was Cas, Dean, and Sam.

"How do you feel?" Sam asked. After the bombshell that had been dropped, he didn't expect an entirely positive answer.

"I'm, uh..., I'm ok, I think." After a beat of silence and a light squeeze on both hands, Dean continued. "I'm glad that we found out about _it_. I just wish we could've found a different way, but I know there isn't."

"To be honest, it could've been a lot worse. We're lucky we caught him when we did," Cas added.

Dean shivered just thinking about what could've, and nearly _did_ happen.

"Well, I'm gonna go eat some of that breakfast we made. Half of it's probably gone by now, so you better hurry," Sam said, standing up and making his way to the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute," Dean called out. He then turned to look at Cas, who was staring at him with absolute _love_ in his eyes. With a single, light tug on his arm from the angel, Dean immediately crawled onto his husband's lap; Cas quickly wrapped his arms around Dean, holding him close to his chest.

"He's never coming back. I promise. We'll make sure of it. He'll never touch you again. He'll never touch Sam, or Jack, or Benny. _Ever._

Dean nodded, then sat up. "Ok. Let's go get some breakfast." Dean clambered out of Cas's lap, nearly falling to the floor, and dragged his husband to the kitchen, where the rest of his family was waiting. 

And they were eating his breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE END!!
> 
> Thank you for this journey. I hope you enjoyed this story. If you have any other story ideas you'd like to see me bring to life (or try), then just let me know.


	17. Author's Note 2

Hey guys! 

The story is finally over. I'm so happy that you guys have enjoyed it and followed all the way to the end.

I do have an alternate ending written if you would like to see it. It was basically Cas and Dean having a different conversation before they went to go eat breakfast. 

If you would like to see it, then just let me know.

If you have any ideas for any other stories you would like me to try and bring to life, I'll try my best (I'll let you know, I don't really like AU's).

THANK YOU!!


	18. Alt. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the alternate ending I wrote. It's largely the same until after their convo with Amara

Everyone was sitting around the map table, all staring at God's sister. Amara and Cas were the only ones standing, the former standing at the opposite end of the table with the latter standing behind his husband. 

"I'm here for you, Dean. Well, more like to apologize," Amara stated, a look of sadness adorning her face.

Dean blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, something he did when he was nervous or uncomfortable. Right now, it was kind of both. "What do you mean?"

"I was the one who brought John Winchester back," she answered.

Cas began to rub circles into Dean's shoulders as he felt his heart begin to race. Ever since the _incident_ , Cas and Rowena both had been more in tune with Dean, paying attention to every little thing. They didn't think anything _too_ bad would happen, but they wanted to be prepared. And if Dean were to pass out again, they wanted to be there for him.

"Yeah, we kinda figured that much out." He didn't see why that required a visit from God's _sister_ of all people. I guess if she had seen what had happened during his _visit_ , then _maybe_.

"Do you know _why_ I brought him back?"

"We just thought that you thought Dean needed both him _and_ Mary back. Giving him what he needed most," Cas answered for him when he felt Dean freeze. Just the thought that there might be another reason for him being there terrified him. He could feel sweat building on his forehead and his chest and arms began to ache. As if Cas and Crowley could tell, the angel began to massage Dean's arms while Crowley snapped a glass of water into existence, which Dean immediately chugged half down. 

When no one said anything, Amara decided to continue. "I knew about your Athazagoraphobia. I've known it since I first laid eyes on you. It was hard to see, being buried so deep in your subconscious. I knew that there was no way to inform you of it in a way you would believe me, considering no one else could see it." Amara then sighed, her shoulders slumping as she thought about what John had done with his stay at the Winchester home. "I knew the only way for anyone to even think about it was to see you at your worst, to see your Athazagoraphobia kick in. So, I did the only thing I could think of: I brought your father back to life." Amara then leaned forward in her seat. "I knew what he had done in the past, and I apologize for bringing him back, but it needed to be done. I wish there was another way to get you to that point, but this was the only way. And I apologize for having to get you to that point at all." She leaned back in her seat, grief clear in her eyes.

Dean could feel himself fringing on the edge of a panic attack. He couldn't believe it. Amara _knew_ what he had done to them, to _him_ , growing up, yet she _still_ thought it would be a good idea to bring him back?! Well, she knew it was a bad idea, but _still_! 

Granted, the more he thought about it, the more he realized she was right. Had Amara just shown up one day and tried to explain to him that he had a mental disorder called Athazagoraphobia, which didn't even sound real, there was no way he would've believed her. He would've done the same thing in her position.

He could feel his panic ebbing away and after finishing his water, he had stopped sweating.

"It's ok. I understand. It wasn't your fault. I'm just glad that it's all over now."

Amara tilted her head to the side, eerily similar to Cas, but completely different nonetheless. "You _do_ realize that he will never stop trying to find you, right?"

"We know," Sam broke in. "But it's a risk we're willing to take in order to make him suffer. Plus, I have a feeling we have some friends that are gonna be keeping a close eye on him."

Amara looked around the room to see the Archangel, the Angel, the Nephilim, the King of Hell, a vampire, and a witch all nod their heads.

It still amazed her that one human, albeit, the Righteous Man, could bring this odd group of creatures together. While they were all close to Sam, you could tell they were all there for Dean (except for Gabriel, whose main concern was Sam). Dean was very much the leader of this group; the one everyone listened to. He had an air to him that made everyone around him want to be his friend, to want to listen to him. He could make even his worst enemies his best friend. Dean Winchester was special in such a way that the English language failed to have a word to describe him.

She felt a pull; Chuck wanted her. She stood up, catching the eyes of everyone in the room. "I'm glad that everything worked out for the best, but I'm afraid I must go. My brother wants me."

Dean then smiled at her. "Thank you, Amara, for letting us know."

Amara gave him a small smile one second, then the next she was gone. 

Mary let out a light chuckle that caught everyone's attention. "You know the strangest people."

Slowly people started to file out of the room until all that was left was Cas, Dean, and Sam.

"How do you feel?" Sam asked. After the bombshell that had been dropped, he didn't expect an entirely positive answer.

"I'm, uh..., I'm ok, I think." After a beat of silence and a light squeeze on both hands, Dean continued. "I'm glad that we found out about _it_. I just wish we could've found a different way, but I know there isn't."

"To be honest, it could've been a lot worse. We're lucky we caught him when we did," Cas added.

Dean shivered just thinking about what could've, and nearly _did_ happen.

"Well, I'm gonna go eat some of that breakfast we made. Half of it's probably gone by now, so you better hurry," Sam said, standing up and making his way to the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute," Dean called out. He then turned to look at Cas, who was staring at him with absolute _love_ in his eyes. With a single, light tug on his arm from the angel, Dean immediately crawled onto his husband's lap; Cas quickly wrapped his arms around Dean, holding him close to his chest. Dean just curled up further into Cas's chest.

"He's never coming back. I promise. We'll make sure of it. He'll never touch you again. He'll never touch Sam, or Jack, or our child. _Ever_."

It took Dean a minute to process what Cas said, but once he did, he shot up, staring into his husband's eyes. He clambered off Cas's lap and back into his chair, scooting up as close as he could. He leaned over and grasped Cas's hands, an ecstatic smile on his face.

"Are, are you serious?" Cas just nodded and tears threatened to fall down his face. Dean placed a hand on the angel's stomach, knowing there wasn't anything to feel yet, but just reassuring that there was a new life growing there; one _he_ helped create.

At that point, tears were cascading down _both_ their faces. 

"When did you find out?"

"Just this morning. I was gonna tell you later today, in a different way, but I thought that this would be the perfect time."

Dean then removed his hands from Cas's abdomen and instead placed them on either side of his husband's face, leaning in to kiss him with all his might.

When they finally broke apart, they stared at each other with pure bliss. 

"Why don't we go share the news with the rest of our family?" Cas suggested, wiping both his and Dean's tears from their faces. Dean nodded, then grabbed Cas's hand and dragging him to the kitchen where the rest of their family was waiting. 

They couldn't wait.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this first chapter is kinda short, but I promise the rest will be much longer.


End file.
